One of the biggest insights I got while studying Bodysex, was about desire.
Of course, when we are young or in a new relationship our hormones make us want to have sex all the time. We think about it quite often and there is no issue with desire. But, when our life becomes more routine, when we are long (er) in the relationship, when our duties, home obligations, and tone of other things combined with everyday job mix, desire gets buried deeply, deeply under all of this, and our sexual life becomes less and less regular, less and less spontaneous, and less and less hot. While for men it’s still relatively easier to get turned on, for us women sex or self-pleasure very often become the last thing we would like to think about at the end (or the beginning) of a day. And we wait for the desire to come, to again get the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, but time passes by, and nothing happens. We wait for the weekend to come and maybe then things will get better, but usually, it just leads us nowhere. This situation in longer time perspective makes our relationship cool down, and our sexual life starts to slowly die… I was also awaiting my desire to come back after being in a long-lasting relationship and was wondering what to do, and how to get it back.
While studying Bodysex I discovered one insight, that completely changed my perspective and brought my perspective on sexual life to an entirely new level: ‘The desire starts with action’… Aha, let it sink… desire starts with action – so what does it mean? It means that we should not wait for it for days, months, and even years to come. We need to become proactive, we need to start acting. So even if we do not feel like having sex at the moment, if we do not feel like having a self-pleasure session (because of millions of reasons we are usually coming up with), we need to let it go and start action, doing something.
For example: I like to start with a slow yoni massage, allowing myself or my partner to give my yoni a massage. Get connected with her, think about her in this moment, how does it feel to be gently touched? Massage without any obligation, any goal… just taking some oil and slowly allowing my body to relax, to unwind and feel. As Betty Dodson used to say: ‘The more we touch the more we feel, the more we feel, the more we want’. So now I do yoni massage every night, it has become an evening ritual, allowing me to keep a connection with my yoni, with my sexuality.
It is our responsibility to take care of our sexuality, our desire, and our yoni. I really like yoni massage, so we usually start with it and I recommend it to every woman – every evening with some natural (organic) oil. I personally use coconut or rice oil. It’s very powerful, opens up 1st chakra, supports your blood flow, and happens to be a great opening for passionate sexual play… And then you can see and observe: does this play lead you anywhere? Do you wish to continue or if not, you have just spent some nice time with yourself or together with your partner? The most important thing is not to stay passive and do nothing. We need to take ownership of our desire to stay connected with our bodies. Just a few moments every day, like you do for any other routine, this one is very important, because it helps you to stay within your body, with your sexuality, with your sexual energy.
This all starts with action!
This way you can see how much your sexual life changes, how differently it feels not to wait, but to take ownership and act, taking care of yourself, your sexuality, and your relationship both with yourself and your partner. Very powerful. If you would like to find out more about Yoni massage and how to open up your sexuality I invite you to discover my Sexual Essentials online course.
